Friday, March 4, 2016

You Can't Do That- Only in video games

Everybody knows that video games are an extension of reality. This applies more to some games than others, but today, I am going to take a look at ten things only possible in video games. It is true that just about everything on here is to keep players from being frustrated or otherwise something the developer was cool enough to put in for us. Please do not try or expect any of the below at home:

1. Automatically filled clips (Just about every first person shooter). Every time you reload a gun in a game, it takes about 2 seconds since the character just whips out a brand new clip and plops it in the gun. I have yet to find an exception. (Titanfall comes close by allotting you so many clips and once you reload all the rounds in that clip are gone for good, won't transfer over, and you only get so many clips when you spawn).

2. Fuel is infinite (Any game with vehicles). No matter how close the needle is to empty, you won't need to stop anywhere for gas. Might want to ease off the lead foot and save some gas for now. I just hope you don't run out of gas in the middle of a police chase.

3. Get shot anywhere and still live (Every solo campaign involving guns). There's two things wrong with this:
     A. Recovery takes far longer than 2.5 seconds behind an unsterile stone wall.
     B. One vital part of your body will no longer be functional (i.e. A vital organ)
Take for instance in Uncharted 3, there are a few snipers on a ship's balcony, and all of them have laser sights. Even if they manage to hit your head, you can still recover as long as you spend enough time in cover. In any multiplayer game, a headshot is considered an instant kill (also unrealistic as the skull blocks pretty much every part of your brain). In real life, you would be better off not getting shot.

4. It has enough for you and all of your needs (Battlefield franchise). In many game campaigns, there will be a crate for you to refill your weapons with in the middle of combat. Call of Duty has a much more realistic size, albeit your soldier will instantly refill their ammo without having to stick their hands in the crate. In Battlefield you get about a box the size of a toolbox, which in multiplayer can provide you (and your 31 teammates) with a full restock over and over until destroyed. In the campaigns, you can pick up equipment from these things too (you can pull out a sniper rifle from something the size of a mop bucket). Good luck finding what you need. (Maybe you'll also screw up and take a grenade pin with you).

5. You will survive the jump (Grand Theft Auto, Mario Kart, Titanfall, Halo). Grand Theft Auto will always let you survive a jump (vehicle jump) as long as you land at a smooth angle.  Mario Kart does not have angles, so as long as you don't jump into a bottomless pit or deep water you will be fine. Titanfall always allows for survival from huge jumps (made by your human avatar). Any jump by foot will deliver a shockwave of some measure through your lower body, and there are too many things which can go wrong with a car jumping down a level or two (such as permanent damage and coming across as an insurance fraud). Here's a video of several gravity defying stunts in Grand Theft Auto V (It contains profanity so watch at your own discretion.),

6. You automatically collect what you walk over (Most of the games I have played). You can collect a magically levitating ring or coin and while we are at it, we don't even know where they are stored (Makes me question how Gordon Freeman carries so many weapons in Half Life). The Uncharted franchise is more realistic about this since you can hold a button and pick up ammo for the gun you have if you see the same weapon you are holding in the battlefield.

7. Rocket jumping won't work (Team Fortress 2). Just aim the noob tube (gamer lingo for rocket launcher) down at the ground while you are getting your speed charged up and fire and jump at the same time . Not going to happen. A rocket launcher is so heavy that if you change firing angle your speed (which is still sluggish) will decrease. Once you are ready to jump, you pull the trigger, and due to your close proximity to the explosion you die just about immediately.
Remember to bend your knees when you land!


8. Just imagine nothing happened between now and then (Several game campaigns). I could also mention muting in multiplayer, but in game campaign modes, you can typically skip cutscenes entirely, and in all games (Where quick travel is not available) involving a long distance (I.E. A flight from Miami to Los Angeles) you just go straight off to wherever it is you need to be. Sorry, but you still can't skip your arguments or your airport trip. ( If you want realism than here you go!)

9. You can pause the game (About every single player game). Not multiplayer, because pausing in a multiplayer is the equivalent of a deathwish. You will only be able to control the menu not your player. In single player campaigns, everything is frozen. Time to plan out your next move. In real life, pause and plan out your move in the middle of a battlefield. Unless you have fast reflexes and fast planning, you'll see your life flash before your eyes. You are dead.
It's called stalling, not pausing. Play fairly.

10. You always come back (EVERY video game). In games like Mario and Sonic as long as you still have a life you will be brought back at a checkpoint. If you ran out, maybe the game will be generous and let you start the level again, or otherwise, enjoy going back to the start of the world. In shooters you can respawn as many times as necessary. However in real life, once you are dead, that's it. You are gone. No respawning. 25 cents is not gonna pay the price to bring you back. Game over.


Luckily for us, video games are just simulations. Simulations that are extensions of reality. There are countless things in video games that are not bright ideas in real life. If you were in a video game, you probably would not stay alive for very long. I don't care how you play your games. There's always something that gives you an unfair advantage (and makes the game easier for you), but of course, imagine a game where all you did was just walk to certain places and contained little action in the game to keep you interested (or on the other hand too much action/difficulty). Where is the fun in that? Bending reality is what makes games so fun. Please remember to stay safe and never try any of the above at home.

Game on

-Jacob Bacci

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